I have been on a long bumpy road, healing generational trauma. There are so many ups, downs, potholes, highs, lows, crooked roads, nothing is in a straight line.

Looking in the mirror today, I am tired. There is only me here, There is no applause, no one saying keep going, just me pushing myself! Without God and my team of light (angles, loved one on the other side) I would have never made it this far in my healing journey.

At this point in my life, I am 51 years old, healing is my responsibility. I am saying no more to all the old stories I have been fed all my life. The guilt for being to much, to loud, to proud, not enough at times. The living from a place of lack instead of abundance. Being expected to play it small, no big dreams allowed that’s to scary. To be forever invisible, unseen for who I am. While also being expected to hold it all together, practically lighting myself on fire to keep everyone else warm. NO MORE!!

So I have been learning to pour into myself, giving myself all that loving energy I use to pour into others. I have also been learning to care for me, cooking, resting, journaling, looking deep inside of me, holding space for me for whatever bubbles up. I understand now that boundaries is love, boundaries keep me safe from self abandonment, people pleasing.

But today, today I am tired, and that’s okay. I almost forgot, listening to the old stories in my head, to give myself grace. Living this way is my new reality, I will not give up. I will cry, I will sleep. Then I will rise again tomorrow, God willing.

I will not give up this healing journey. I am thankful, grateful that tomorrow is a new day to begin again. Thank you God for always being by my side with my team of light. Amen!